Thursday, July 17, 2008

Irks.... Part 1

I went ahead and put a "part 1" on this.... because I see many more ahead.  The first of my irks... is smoking in restaurants.  Now don't get me wrong, as most of you know, I enjoy a great cigar.  I think there should be designated places for smoking them, because I understand that not everybody wants to smell them or inhale the smoke period.  Well please tell me, when I take my 6 month old child into a restaurant.... what the in the name of crud makes ANYBODY think that he should be inhaling their stinkin' fumes?  It absolutely blows my mind that any restaurant at all is seen as an appropriate place to smoke.  A bar, smoking lounge.... those are places to smoke.  While I'm trying to eat my Philly cheesesteak, for the record, I do not want to smell your filthy Newport that has already entered your black lungs and is now entering mine.  

With that said, many states such as Illinois and New York have completely outlawed smoking inside buildings period AND within 15 feet of any entrance of any public building.  Geez man, do governments ever find a happy medium?  There are even places within the US, that are outlawing smoking outside while on city streets or sidewalks.  So now, I can't find a place to smoke my cigar period.  Even if there were someone kind enough to offer to take their cigarette outside, they wouldn't be able to.  Just weeks ago, I lit up a cigar on the streets of Chicago that I bought at a local cigar shop (who knows how he is still in business), and I practically had to walk in the street and smoke it to be within the doorway restrictions.  

Another thing, smoking is smoking.  I don't care if you're smoking tobacco, pot, or corn husks, you're producing smoke that some may find as offensive.  I like to go into places (not a predominant restaurant as previously stated) where smoking is welcome to attempt to smoke a cigar.  I did this while at Cape Hatteras during the week of the Fourth.  I wanted to watch the Boston/Tampa Bay game on a big screen so I walk into a small local bar with a buddy to do so.  We laid cigars in front of us and ordered some fried pickles.  There's no other customers in this place at all.  Thirty minutes later, after several exchanges with the waitress, I ask for an ashtray.  OK, we're all in agreement that anybody with a heartbeat and a pea of common sense would assume that we are preparing to smoke cigars.  We light up and are enjoying them immensely when the dude in charge comes over and says, "Listen, we usually don't allow people to smoke cigars in here... but I don't mind since nobody else is in here.  I'm just telling ya because the manager isn't here and you need to know that when you come in next time".  Well, aren't you kind.... BRO.  Thank you for letting me smoke in your smoking bar where everybody else has been smoking.  Next time someone asks me to use mom and dad's pool, I'm gonna tell them that they can come swim, but don't let me catch them doing the backstroke.  Exactly, they would look at me as a moron. 

Here's an idea for the government on Matt Island.   We will not smoke in restaurants so people can eat without stink and my infant son can breathe regular air.  We will smoke in smoking lounges and designated smoking areas.  And yes, it will be ok to smoke outside if you want... because the smoke floats out into the infinite air.  If you complain about that, you get kicked off Matt Island immediately.  (Also, you can't smoke cigarettes.... they stink)

8 comments:

Only Servants Ministries said...

nutcase...i tell you... nutcase.
but I do agree.
just the other day we were eating in the outside part of an Italian restaurant. Some UK chick lights up her cigarette right beside us. My pizza didn't taste so good after that. So what do you say happens on Matt Island when you eat at a Restaurant, but OUTSIDE? (BTW, Is Matt Island close to Kenya?)

Lindsey Broere said...

I like Matt Island...can I be National Security Advisor or something?

That was a very entertaining morning read. Crazy how you get so much more worked up over something when it involved your baby, huh?

Raising the Rollins' said...

Oh, noooo, we are now entering the mind of Matt. Are you sure we can handle it?

Only Servants Ministries said...

Can I be minority leader in your Senate? That way I can veto all the dumb ideas you try to pass as laws. Then I'll rally a large number of your former constituients who are disgusted with your poor leadership and, in turn, vote me as the NEW leader of St. Christopher Island!

Matt Rollins said...

Ha! That sorta makes me miss you bro. Just the fact we could sit and say ridiculous stuff back and forth for an hour. Now we have to email it.... not the same.

The Beaver Bunch said...

You are freakin' cracking me up. Wow, I can assure you Grace will not be the only person checking out your blog. HY-STERICAL.

Vonda said...

Matt Island...hmmmmmmm. I think it's somewhere between the Island of Misfit Toys and Thousand Island. You know...the one that's famous for the dressing. It's a happy little place where the tide is always low and the crabs line up and walk right into the steamer. Fifty dollar stogies grow on the trees and are always ripe. There's never an off season. Everyone sleeps in hammocks and every porch has a view of the sea. I'm there already.

Special K said...

Dude you are CRAZY! but Hilarious I might add.