#1) Why do old folks drive so dang slow?
Yes...it bothers me too. I'm always in a hurry when I get behind ol' Florence. When I'm 80, I will be FLYING. But..... I'm a good driver. Give me a ticket, who cares..... I'm old and poor, I won't pay it. This driving at ridiculously slow speeds is because this elder generation is just simply unsafe behind the wheel. They hit curbs, run red lights, cut you off, and don't pay attention to what they are doing. I always get behind the same old lady on the way to church. When she pulls into her church, she hits the same curb EVERY WEEK. Even though all the other elders in the car almost hit their head on the ceiling, it's like she doesn't even notice. Of course, for this reason she has apparently made no wider turn from week to week to attempt to avoid this curb.... which to her, could just as well be a dead body. Basically, old people drive slow to reduce the chance of injury or damage to whatever or whoever then end up hitting while driving like this. See, don't you feel smarter already?
#2) Why do things that happen in Vegas stay there?
Well, obviously this is just a marketing scheme for the Sin City. I went to Vegas for the first time a year or two ago, and it's not really for me. In my opinion, you shouldn't even be allowed to go there until you're 21. The place will suck every bit of goodness out of you if you let them. Here's how things will go down, say... for an 18 year old making his first trip to Vegas.
He will take lots of money, and lose it.... he will take his virginity, and lose it, and he will take his flawless criminal record, and of course lose it. These things that were lost is "what happened in Vegas" And as for the things he lost, well... you see where they'll stay.
#3) Why do we occasionally see a big girl on a motorcycle?
Listen, that's just mean so don't bring it up again. Of course they take the "cool" out of motorcycles, but their gas is $4.19 too...
#4) Why do some grown men still cuss like they're a 17 year old gang member?
I've often wondered this myself. I was at Natty Green's the other night with a couple friends watching the UNC game. A completely normal looking guy probably in his mid 30's started talking. I was ashamed that he was pulling for the same team I was. It dawned on me as he spoke this foulness, "he is just very weak minded". He couldn't even use the bad words correctly. Have you ever met somebody like that? What he said didn't even make sense. He would use the same bad word twice, back to back; one as the adjective, and one as the noun... you get what I'm saying? Basically, profanity is the sign of a very weak mind trying to express itself. This man picked his favorite color and pulled very hard for that team. He expressed himself often... probably as often as he relieved himself. I moved far away and pretended he wasn't there... end of story.
#5) Why do large organizations and companies have such dumb advertising slogans?
This just absolutely kills me. You will notice these every now and then, and it's always a HUGE company. There is no telling how much VISA paid their advertising team to come up for the slogan for the Olympic commercials. GO WORLD. What the crap... are you serious? I can see these guys in there now, probably a team of 20 getting paid 6 figure salaries. "How bout.... GO something...." good idea.... "Go!...... Well, the whole world will be there... why not GO WORLD?" Nice bro.... now let's go on break.
There is no telling how many ignorant or drunk people were sitting at their TV when that commercial first debuted. They saw GO WORLD and got very nervous. "Crap... what are they talking about... when is our next game? I knew it... there is somebody else out there.... how good are they at swimming? I need to turn on the news...."
My only answer for this is.... they think so hard they figure that nobody will question it if they just say something very short that makes no sense. Yes... a very tough question indeed.
4 comments:
If I may, I would like to add some additions to your topic. It appears as though we have dwelt upon the same overall topic (yet mine are less offensive to old people, overweight motorcycle girls, and linguistically challenged youths):
1. "Do we really need 'Wrong Way' signs on the interstate?"
If you require this informative sign as a reminder whilst you buzz obliviously down the on-coming traffic at speeds of 75 mph, then a simple sign is the least of your real needs! Maybe some strong medications and a quiet room looking out over squirrels at play would be more appropriate.
2. "Has critical thinking gone the way of the dinosaurs at local fast food restaurants?"
It seems that every time I go to some establishment that offers quick meals, neither of the two words that identify them are accurate. It's never fast and rarely food. I think it should be re-named: "Congested buildings of low I.Q. people heating up frozen edible crap at their leisure."
The critical thinking issue has come up several times when you request something that is not color coded or picture referenced on their 'register-for-dummies' cash machine. For instance; you request just a burger without fries. Or you might as for your taco with just meat and cheese. Well, after a 5 minute period of silence and blank stairs, Woodrow runs to the back to ask the 16 year old manager who says to you, "Do you really want that?" My reply, "No, I was just testing you. I was actually sent by the mother company to be a surprise customer whereby I could assess your skills and abilities within our company. You passed with flying colors. Your intellectual ability is exactly what this company is looking for!"
3. The silver lever works in the bathroom? Really?
I think you all catch my drift. Why is this like the internet for the elderly? Is it really that foreign?
Oh my goodness! I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.
I have to add something Todd said to me a while back. I noticed that they put those flashing strobe lights on the back of school buses. In discussing this new attention seeking (distracting) part of driving, Todd said, "Seriously? The put a strobe on the back of a school bus? Like that's going to help. Trust me, if you can't see that GIGANTIC yellow school bus coming, that little strobe light isn't going to do much good." I had to pull over I was laughing so hard.
And here's a few "duh questions": Why does your nose run and your feet stink? Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway? Why is it when we send something in a car, it's called a shipment but when we send it via ship, it's called cargo? Why is there a lock on the door at Waffle House?
Yo Tangerine dude...no one vents like you man. One day, a thousand years from now, someone will come across an ancient blog on whatever system they are "excavating" and they will read it and say (you have to say this next part in a long drawn out Keanu Reeves voice)"Whoa...this dude is like some sort of philosophisor or something." The rest of your blogs will then be published into whatever form of publishing form that is published then (wow say that really fast - typing it made me dizzy) and it will become a best seller. No longer then will the term "Confucius say" be uttered. "Matt say" will be the new catchphrase. That sound like caveman speak. "Matt say old people should stay off road." Lack of sleep make me type strange stuff. Me go puff stogey then go night night. ***Vonda wants everyone to know that she made no contribution to this comment.***
I'm out. -Brent
you are out of control...
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