Wal-market

I guess I will post a blog since it's only 1:15am.  I fly out to Romania today at lunch with 9 of our youth (the Seniors that I teach to be more accurate), and several other youth leaders and adults.  I am looking forward to this except for two very large obstacles.... leaving Beth and Levi, and having to come back and clean up the chaos that I can barely maintain when I am here.  I am, however, excited to see what God will do through this opportunity with these young people.  It will be an amazing sight to behold, and I can't help but be the most excited about how this will effect the hearts of our youth as it did me when I was 21 in Honduras. Please pray for us as we travel and as we try to connect with young people inside a culture we have never experienced.  

With all that being said, I promised a couple of the guys that are going on the trip that I would hang out with them late tonight.  I love spending time with these guys and I know that we need to stay up so that we can sleep through a 14 hour flight tomorrow.  Most of these youth have not been on an oversees flight and may not understand the severity of jet-lag.  They now understand Matt-lag though, because I'm now to the age where I get super tired at 11pm.  I can't tell you how many times I've had someone over trying to be a cool "late-night rebel" like I did when I was their age... Usually in 30 minutes I fall asleep with my head all hung over slobbering on my shirt.  That is sign language for any guest that states, "Maybe you should come back some other time.... and earlier one".  They leave, and I wake up 4 hours later to a wet arm, throbbing neck, and an info-mercial trying to sell me a foot exfoliator. 

So, I go to Josh's apartment and hang out for a while.  We just watched some Chinese game shows on You Tube mostly.  It's a huge waste of time, but very hilarious.  Those people are brutal.  I think some of them would dig off their own leg with a metal spork for 5,000 yen.  So since we're on the subject of China at the time, Kevin mentions that he wants to make a "midnight Walmart run".  I absolutely hate Walmart, and I am passionate about that...  I thrive on every opportunity to talk someone out of buying China crap.  It's the best-case scenario for me though.  I mean, it's after midnight... so we won't have to deal with lines, loud PA announcements you can't begin to understand , rednecks on Nextels at 1100 decibels, and drunk shirtless people beating their kids.  Anyhow, back to my point.  I always find myself walking around Walmart and looking at stuff wondering, "How long would that last me?"  I think America must think that way when they shop at Walmart for anything that can't be consumed.  "This TV may only last 6 months, but it's $47!!"  See for me, that's too much work... and $500 over 5 years to continue watching a 19" TV.  Beth will tell you, when I buy something... I research it, and buy the best I can for what I am willing to spend.  Guess what, my junk last longer than theirs.  In my experience, I either go to Walmart to find something.... and can't find it, or I talk myself into buying a $20 stereo for work which breaks in 2 weeks.... but kinda sucked in the first place.  

I am convinced that Walmart has it's own city in China.  The people there (in WaaaMaat city) sit around drinking Chinese beer (which is probably nasty too), sniffing poppy's, and pulling random parts off a sagging China made shelf to make their next "name brand" mp3 player or computer. They don't get paid much, but hey... it's a cake job.  They get to do whatever they want, and it doesn't matter if what they are making is complete junk.  Actually, they probably prefer that it is junk so as to hold the reputation and not make the other trillion things they export look like crap.  I guess my experience tonight (I haven't been to Walmart in months) was not out of the ordinary for me, but it did make me think.  Sure, it provides thousands of jobs across the country.... but I still think that overall Walmart is a huge stab to the American economy as a whole.  I challenge you, that next time you are in Walmart (hopefully because someone knocked you out and put you there), just try and find something non-consumable that is made in America.  If you look very very hard, you may.  I remember I found a plastic hat-washing thing that was made in the USA once.... Anyhow, I left the store buying $16 of toiletries needed for the trip.  I glanced back at a vast warehouse of junk and was thankful that I had gas in my tank to carry me away.  Sure am glad I don't drive a Chinese truck....

Abnormal Shut Eye

If I lived in a world where I couldn't laugh at myself and other people, I wouldn't make it two days....seriously.  I am constantly seeking out funny junk on the YouTube and picking with my friends about stupid stuff.  The ones I'm closest to know that all too well about me.  Normally, the more I pick with someone, the closer I am to them.  I laugh at myself more than anyone though.  I'm the biggest victim of what little wit I have.  

I am the weirdest dreamer I know.  Even Beth's weird dreams seem normal to me.  Often, my brain takes everything weird, random, and funny it can muster up, and puts it into some funky dream.  While I worked at the PD, they were just flat out freaky.  I'd never reveal those to anyone but Beth.  I think that what I heard, saw, and dealt with regularly found its way into dreams I could make horror movies out of.  Now that I'm working a new, normal job, I'm usually tired and can't remember my dreams.  If I'm relaxed and on vacation, I remember every one I have.  

For example, I had a dream a couple weeks ago while I was at the Outer Banks that I woke up laughing hysterically at.  I was sitting in the balcony in Finch Auditorium with my buddy Neil and Chris' sister, Laurie.  (two randomly selected friends that my brain chose to insert into this dream).  Michael Jackson appeared in that Thriller suit of his, wearing a glow-in-the-dark Hannah Montana belt and came whizzing toward us on some kind of cable.  Then a marching band appeared in some kind of gorilla suits and started playing "Beat It".  Then we ran.  It was about then that I woke up and literally said, "What the crap?". 

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?  Not much more to say here.  I will continue to update and change my photos, comics, and videos at the bottom of my blog.  Feel free to check them out whether I'm posting or not!  (About these...  Chuck Norris jokes are going out I think, but this is still hilarious to me.... and I freakin' hate Carrot Top.)

Irks.... Part 1

I went ahead and put a "part 1" on this.... because I see many more ahead.  The first of my irks... is smoking in restaurants.  Now don't get me wrong, as most of you know, I enjoy a great cigar.  I think there should be designated places for smoking them, because I understand that not everybody wants to smell them or inhale the smoke period.  Well please tell me, when I take my 6 month old child into a restaurant.... what the in the name of crud makes ANYBODY think that he should be inhaling their stinkin' fumes?  It absolutely blows my mind that any restaurant at all is seen as an appropriate place to smoke.  A bar, smoking lounge.... those are places to smoke.  While I'm trying to eat my Philly cheesesteak, for the record, I do not want to smell your filthy Newport that has already entered your black lungs and is now entering mine.  

With that said, many states such as Illinois and New York have completely outlawed smoking inside buildings period AND within 15 feet of any entrance of any public building.  Geez man, do governments ever find a happy medium?  There are even places within the US, that are outlawing smoking outside while on city streets or sidewalks.  So now, I can't find a place to smoke my cigar period.  Even if there were someone kind enough to offer to take their cigarette outside, they wouldn't be able to.  Just weeks ago, I lit up a cigar on the streets of Chicago that I bought at a local cigar shop (who knows how he is still in business), and I practically had to walk in the street and smoke it to be within the doorway restrictions.  

Another thing, smoking is smoking.  I don't care if you're smoking tobacco, pot, or corn husks, you're producing smoke that some may find as offensive.  I like to go into places (not a predominant restaurant as previously stated) where smoking is welcome to attempt to smoke a cigar.  I did this while at Cape Hatteras during the week of the Fourth.  I wanted to watch the Boston/Tampa Bay game on a big screen so I walk into a small local bar with a buddy to do so.  We laid cigars in front of us and ordered some fried pickles.  There's no other customers in this place at all.  Thirty minutes later, after several exchanges with the waitress, I ask for an ashtray.  OK, we're all in agreement that anybody with a heartbeat and a pea of common sense would assume that we are preparing to smoke cigars.  We light up and are enjoying them immensely when the dude in charge comes over and says, "Listen, we usually don't allow people to smoke cigars in here... but I don't mind since nobody else is in here.  I'm just telling ya because the manager isn't here and you need to know that when you come in next time".  Well, aren't you kind.... BRO.  Thank you for letting me smoke in your smoking bar where everybody else has been smoking.  Next time someone asks me to use mom and dad's pool, I'm gonna tell them that they can come swim, but don't let me catch them doing the backstroke.  Exactly, they would look at me as a moron. 

Here's an idea for the government on Matt Island.   We will not smoke in restaurants so people can eat without stink and my infant son can breathe regular air.  We will smoke in smoking lounges and designated smoking areas.  And yes, it will be ok to smoke outside if you want... because the smoke floats out into the infinite air.  If you complain about that, you get kicked off Matt Island immediately.  (Also, you can't smoke cigarettes.... they stink)

Welcome?

Ok.... So I'm laying in bed last night trying to get to sleep. I ignorantly had hung my dry cleaned pants and shirts on a shelf bracket on my wall. Luckily, they come back to you in that plastic....and conveniently, I can't sleep without my ceiling fan on. So I wake up in the middle of the night, hear something rustling, and immediately think a burglar is going through my kitchen trash. I had one of those "2 second freak outs". Then I though to myself, that's crazy.... why would the burglar be going through the kitchen trash? He'd at least start in the guest bedroom trash, that's where all the good stuff would be.

That's when I decided that I should put stupid stories like that on a blog. I constantly think of questions and ideas..... constantly. Some of these things are stupid, some are smart, some are impossible, and some just make you want to find the answer. That's why I need a blog. Now the MAKING of the blog.... wow, what an experience. I sat at this stupid computer for 30 minutes typing in the most random crap for a URL that was already taken. I'd put in something like, "ihatehardcrosswordpuzzles".... taken..... "yourmomdoesyoga".... taken...."areyouserious?".....taken......"aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhh!!"....TAKEN. I about blew a fuse.

How many people are on this thing? Way more than every combination of the alphabet up to 20 characters.... I know at least that many. Reminds me of that SNL skit.... but only vaguely so I won't type about it. Anyhow, I will post on here whenever I think of something to say. It may be interesting, funny, or just plain boring. My wife's and sister's blogs are much more serious and worth reading than mine, I can be honest about that. But please, come here when you don't have anything else to do. Who knows, you may be entertained.