Intangible Tangerines and Empirical Implosions

Lettuce and Vacuums

2010-10-11T13:25:00.001-07:00

I noticed something today that has never once occurred to me. Though I do indeed like lettuce, I will not personally take the time to put it on my sandwich. Call it laziness if you will, but I call it "lack of excitement" for lettuce. There are certain things in my fridge and freezer outside that I would walk out into a category 4 hurricane for, but lettuce is just not one of them.

As I made my sandwich today at lunch, I carefully took 5 minutes of time to cut 2 slices of tomato and added turkey, cheese, and mustard. I saw the lettuce down there, just looking at me. It was almost as if it was feeling left out. "Hey! Right here! I'm in the bottom drawer man, don't leave me here to rot!" Excited to eat my sandwich, I shut the door to the refrigerator and pranced into the living room carrying my plate o-so-carefully.

However, if someone else is making me a sandwich and says, "What do you want on it?" My ingredients would always include lettuce if was an option. I guess the only other example I can think of is vacuuming. No dude will vacuum very often, it just doesn't seem necessary to us. To us, all floors are kind of dirty. Therefore I can't remember actually ever vacuuming until stuff is sticking to my entire foot, and to keep that from happening you just wear socks. Of course I really appreciate having a clean floor because my wife vacuums all the time, yet if I was living on my own, I would consider vacuuming maybe once every two months... and would consider that often.

There, now you know the similarities between lettuce and vacuuming. You also may thank someone today that serves you often, yet you don't show the appreciation you should because it's not a necessity in your own mind. Thank you Beth, for putting lettuce on my sandwiches and vacuuming my nasty floor, you are a great wife.

Doozers

2009-07-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

First of all, if you recognize the name from this post as a name you've heard in the past.... 5 cool points for you. If you recognize the name and can actually PLACE it.... you win.

Unfortunately for me, I had a job the other day to do here at the house that was less than fun. We moved into an 80-some year old house, and with it came little obstacles that I must fix. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the work it takes to get this house just like we want it, but this is a job I could have lived without. There is a gargantuan hole beneath my house, that apparently some early 1900's heating engine used to sit. Obviously, I don't know the specifics, but our current heat pump sits within the crawl space, above the huge hole. Over time this hole has accumulated at least 100 gallons of water, probably from below rather than from above. With the mosquito and overall bug problem, I knew I had to get rid of this water soon. I hate mosquitos and they love me. It's my biggest problem with the fall of man, because you KNOW ol' Adam and Eve didn't have to deal with little flying vampires in the garden till they bit that apple, then all hell broke loose.

After pumping this water into my neighbors yard, (and I can't begin to explain what kind of mutated fungal bacterialized critters were in there) I crawled in and started digging. The objective was to dig, with two different sized shovels, and fill in the hole. Well, this hole is very large, so my objective changed after working extremely hard for 30 minutes and hardly making a dent. I just wanted enough of this dry dirt that had been pushed aside (and took up crawl space) to cover the remaining water in the hole, which was approximately 5 to 10 gallons. I worked from my stomach for about 30 minutes, breaking up hard dirt and pushing it in the hole with shovels. I worked another 30 minutes standing in the hole and raking the dirt into the hole with me. As you can imagine, I was a site to see after I was finished. My shoulders were SUPER sore from the work. I woke up the next morning and I swear that even my FAT was sore. I remember thinking, I wish I could hire some Doozers. For those of you that don't know what a Doozer is, here is a couple pictures:

Call me crazy, but do you know what kind of money these guys could have made with me that day? If I had Jim Henson's phone number, he would have had 7 voicemails. That little dozer and those little dudes could have gotten that entire hole filled in in one day. Don't you remember seeing them on Fraggle Rock? They were ALWAYS working. They were the equivalent of hard working Hispanics in the Fraggle Rock world. You know they were underpaid too.... You never saw them talking and sitting around, or eating lunch or taking a snack time... everytime we saw them, they didn't even take time to wave at the camera. They just kept digging and doozing. Anyhow... Don't be surprised if you come to the house and see a few of them grilling out with us or something, cause if I find them, I'll do whatever I can to make sure they finish that job...

War Drawing

2009-06-22T10:09:00.001-07:00

OK.... I actually plan on posting more now that we're all moved in and life has slowed a bit. I definitely wanted to share something my mother brought to me the other day. As a young lad, I would retreat to my room and draw sometimes. I also used to beat myself in the head with large sticks, so I'm quite surprised that I took this kind of alone time to entertain myself quietly.... but it's the truth, and I remember it. Enclosed in this brief blog, is a picture I drew once. I'd like to say I was like 3 when I drew it, but the reality of it is: I was probably like 13. There are two drawings, in the case you can't see one as well as the other.

As you can see, I placed high value on verbal interpretations of noises and large explosions. I was also into civil wars, random volcanos, planes flying into those random volcanos, and Americans speaking German. I'd also like to point out that it is quite possible that my understanding of drawing "to scale" could have been a bit tainted. Last but not least, I think it actually is more likely that this helicopter was peeing on the guy below than for the guy below to be shooting darts straight up in the air with his walkie talkie.

If you'd like some ideas for your own imagination, please call 1 800 SHUUT UP before making fun.

Championship Smoke....

2009-04-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

Choose a good cigar, especially if you're a UNC fan. Tonight might be huge! Come join us from 6:30pm until the end of the NCAA Championship game as we meet at Monkeez Brew and set fire to some premium tobacco...

Don't forget that we've usually have some card games going on and free WIFI if you actually manage to get bored. We hope to see you at Monkeez Brew TONIGHT!! Bring your friends, we're gonna have a great time...

Walmart Produce

2009-03-10T06:06:00.000-07:00

Ever heard any of your friends tell you not to get produce at Walmart?

They say it's just not as good, wrinkled, not ripe..... or in this case, has cocaine inside.

I don't think this site reveals the identity of the store, but I've heard it was a Walmart in Queens.
So far I've never seen anyone jumping on a pogo-stick down Times Square because of some stir fry they ate... but hey, there's a first time for everything!

Don't mind Travis...

2009-02-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

OK... I'm sure there are many of you that have read about or seen this story on the news.

I was just listening to a morning show in which they were throwing out their own opinions about this crazy event. I am trying hard to have compassion on the owner of this chimpanzee named Travis, but I have been unable to thus far. I actually DO have compassion for her friend because she got roped into this, and is now missing some very important stuff.

Here's my problem with this. When you take an animal created by the good Lord to be a wild animal, and work 14 years on turning him into a human, one day it will come back and bite you (no pun intended... but that was kinda funny, in a very wrong way). I don't care if your chimp has been in 123,543 commercials, is potty trained, drinks beer the glass, does your homework, and shoots sporting clays with your buddies.... he was created to be wild, so don't act surprised when one day HE ACTS WILD. Not to mention, when you give him tea laced with Xanex and glasses of wine... why are you surprised when he loses his mind?

The owner's response (to the opinion that wild animals can never be completely tamed, and that she shouldn't have owned him) was that chimpanzee's are the closest animal to humans, and that sometimes humans go crazy too. She said it was a "freak accident". WOMAN IT'S NOT FREAK! Go live in the jungle and swing around on vines with chimps for a while. Invade the territories of other chimps while you're playing Tarzan and see if they don't ride the jungle of you. They do the same thing to other chimps, that's how God made them. They are wild animals, therefore they will act wild. I just can't understand who threw out the idea that ANY animals would have a conscience.

Anyhow, I have the strong opinion that says if you want to have apes for best friends... you should be made to go to their habitat and should be restricted from bringing them to ours. Use Jane Goodall as your example. This way, you don't run the risk of your little chimp budding ripping your best friends apart.

Entertainment through Stupidity

2009-02-16T19:01:00.001-08:00

Wow.... I didn't realize it'd been so long since I "blogged". I never really have anything important to say anyways, so I won't use that excuse.

Again, I don't have anything important to say now. I just thought I'd comment on people that do stupid stuff for attention. I've now watched two shows in a row, in which people do stupid stuff repeatedly. Why? I guess to have their own show.... I'm not really sure. Bear Grylls is now eating big berries out of bear poo... and I just got done watching some bald British guy tie himself up and sink himself to the bottom of a huge tank filled with ice.

I guess my biggest question is... where do these guys get their start? Did "Bear" Grylls crawl around his backyard when he was 13 looking for fruity dog droppings so he could make a name for himself? Did he know he would have his own show by the time he started eating raw snails and scorpions? It kills me how he always says, "This should give me a bitta energy...." Yes that's what we should do. Eat poo for energy. I'm sure we all feel very energized after eating poo and vomiting like we've got a parasite (because we probably do by this point). Geez, what a moron. He's got that backpack on... always. He has water in it, why can't he stuff the rest of the space with Cliff Bars or something? I mean, I would actually think he was smarter if he did that.

My point is this: If you're in the middle of the Ozarks and you're lost, chances are you weren't planning on it. So if you want actual reality, let me go smack Bear Grylls out of bed and drag him to the Ozarks in his Austin Powers undie-roos with nothing but a toothbrush and his teddy bear. NOW it's survival time. Go survive... go on mate.

Right this very minute... Bear is showing us how to widdle the end of a stick to make a spear, just in case a real bear comes at night (ha!). In case you didn't know, it takes a thirty-something year old military survivor man to show us men how to do something we already had perfected when we were SEVEN. Here's your sign "Bear". We all know you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night....

I bet your real name is Gaylord....

The Greatest Terrible Year Ever...

2009-01-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

That's right, I said it. 2008 was, for me, the greatest terrible year ever.

2008 has been a difficult year for me with many challenging events. I've hugged the neck of my best friend who lost both his grandfathers and another friend who lost his Aunt. I recently lost my Uncle, the one I've always lived near and been closest to.

This past year also provided me with the loss of my dog Decker to a sudden tumor, he was my best dog to date and didn't even make it to 4 years old. My mom's poodle, Molly, was also put down this year. She made it to somewhere around 15 years old, and for some reason preferred me and mom over dad and Lindy. Naturally, I've rested on many furniture pieces with that little one growing up. As some of you know, Beth and I have now set a NC record for trying to finalize house building plans for the longest period of time. Yeah that's right, another setback this year... and most likely we will now be looking into completely new plans because of affordability.

Although entirely more rewarding than disappointing, Chris and Lindy's relocation to Kenya has been difficult for us for many reasons. We are very close to them (Lindy is like a sister to me) and spent tons of time together.

There's tons of small stupid things I could list from traffic tickets and appeals cases to vehicle malfunctions and graduating students leaving the youth. Basically, all this paired with the job change (which has been somewhat of a tough transition for me... I'm not a natural salesman), the economic crisis, and the election... 2008 would have completely went down in my top 3 worst years had it not been for one little boy (and the Patriots getting beat in the Super Bowl... but to mention that would be shallow, right?)

I had been told A LOT of things about parenthood before I became I entered it. It has all been true too, for the most part. There is one thing that stands out that I was never told though. One thing that, if asked, I would tell someone immediately about parenting. Chris and Lindy, consider this my addition of factual parenthood and what is to come.

Levi makes everything better. He knows no stress, no worldly influence, he knows nothing of competition, technology, the economy, or the war. In his mind, there is no conceptual reality that differs life from death, rich from poor, or good from evil. He is happy when he is rested, clothed, and fed. Half the time, he entertains himself with whatever he can find on the floor or a button to push 3,343 times... stopping to clap after every 3 pushes. What an amazing blessing. At my lowest points and saddest moment, I have looked at his face to see him smile and everything was a least a lot better than it was. For reasons that wander well beyond the obvious, I had a brief breakdown upon hearing of Jeff's death. Levi thought I was laughing I guess, so he just sat there and laughed at me. What did I do without that before? He has made life so much more wonderful that I can't even remember what life was without him. If someone told me that parenthood was no indication of God's presence, I would pray that God would break through that skeptical barrier because it would be too thick for anyone else to.

As my pastor once said, there is no one person or mass of people that he would sacrifice his own child for... I agree completely. I can not comprehend a love any stronger could exist. It did, and it still does. The Creator of the Universe had a Son much more special than mine. He also made everything better, but beyond that he made all things new. His Son was also perfect and changed all norms. Never before or after has a King been born among animals, raised in poverty, lived to serve others, and died an unimaginable death to save us from our own death. This tells me how wrong I am to become so bonded to this World and how society works around me. All that has been wrong with my year means nothing.

We have been awarded the promise of a day with no goodbyes, no tears, no loss, and no pain. Levi has been the face of peace for me this year, but I can not comprehend the true peace that awaits me. As a personal challenge for myself, I look forward to allowing God to show me my purpose by erasing the norms placed in my heart and mind by the World and replacing them with His own Word. I encourage you to do the same. To all the challenges of 2009, may they strengthen us in ways we are unable to understand.

Crowdaphobia

2008-11-07T20:26:00.001-08:00

Yes, another random post indeed. I heard tonight that there is a car show scheduled for tomorrow here in downtown T-Vegas, and in two weeks, there will be a parade. Now I sure remember being excited as a young lad when I was able to attend large-scale events, especially ones where I would get to see Santa Clause or get to eat greasy food (I was a bit chunky... quit laughing). You better believe that if my son gets to the age where he wants to see Santa by attending one of these boring parades... or wants to see Nantucket play on stage 3 and eat cotton candy (please though Lord, I don't think I deserve it), I will be there and be as happy as I can be.

I don't plan it, it just seems to fall in my favor that I have been out of town or otherwise obligated during the Everybody's Days and BBQ festivals of the year. I am NOT a crowd lover at all. I like a few people, and I like to know them all. The first year or two during Everybody's Day, I thought I had to be here to protect my property during these events. I stayed out on the patio to run unruly kids off my lawn and parking lot, and to keep people from blocking my only exit to the street behind us. Now, I just try to be gone and plan on cleaning up when I get back. One of the same years where I was playing "property security guard", I walked across the street only to fight my way through impatient and disrespectful teens and thugs to get a piece of greasy $8 chicken. I tell you the truth, I would rather work crime scene clean up with nothing but a plastic bag and a paper towel than to do that again. Just like some people love the fair, what the crap? I hate the fair (no worries Beth, I'll still take you). You go spend tons of money to walk on dirt, pet a midget horse in a tent, see a no name musician, and spend 3 hours trying to fling a plastic frog into an orbiting glass bowl only to win a bobble-head monkey you sell at a yard sale 2 months later.

Might as well say "Fried Taters n' Meat"

We are finally getting to the phase where we are becoming more and more confident our house building phase will begin soon. I can not wait! A big yard to mow, no sirens or trains, no crackheads peeing in on my trash can, no drug arrests outside my door (yes, it happened), and no big events that seem to bring out every degenerate known to man. I think if I raise my son just right... he will enjoy tractors, outside work, football games, and hunting. All I can do is hope that he will also have crowdaphobia like his dad.

I laugh now, because of all the redneck things my dad and I could have possibly done together, he chose the reddest one. He used to buy tickets to every tractor pull and monster truck event in the piedmont. I was drug to the dance recitals, but not too many kids raised in the North can say they attended monster truck rallies. Even though it's funny now, I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in the world. It's amazing to me, that out of everything I managed to attend in the 80's, I never remember having to wait in like 30 minutes for a candy apple or watch a beach boys cover band.... What has the world come to? Maybe Crowdaphobia doesn't develop until adulthood when you realize one fact that can't be contested... There are many fools among us. As for me, I'd rather stay among the few that aren't.

Halloween '08... By Popular Demand

2008-11-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

Ok... after 34 requests, I guess I'll be posting about the First Annual Rollins' Halloween Bash while watching football tonight. For those of you that know me well, you already know that I go overboard when it comes to Halloween. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm an adult and can't spend but so much time and money on costumes and pumpkins, it would be ridiculously overboard!

Like millions of others, I couldn't resist the urge this year to be the Joker from the movie "Dark Knight". Heath Ledger was an amazing actor, and pulled this role off perfectly. The makeup was great, so I figured here's my chance. As I expected though, I was still looking for half my costume on halloween day, and had my wife running around looking at consignment stores for a vest to complete the attire while I set everything up at the apartment. Well, she was unable to find my vest. So I dressed as the vest-less Joker this year, but it was still fun... sort of. The picture below is one of the only two I've found, I'm sure there are others floating around. Everybody seemed to like the costume, but I'm overly picky and think it could been much much better. If anybody has a better picture than this, please share it. Also, if you have any pictures from Friday night you'd like me to put on this post.... this is the one to do it, so please share those as well.

Anyhow, I forgot how busy throwing a "get together" can be. I left work around lunch and really never completed my decorating and preparing and cleaning before people started to arrive. As the night crawled on, I felt continuously busy... running around making sure food was where it needed to be, getting cups, spoons, and plates, plugging things in, and trying to get the stupid fog machine to work.

You heard me right, I told you I go overboard with Halloween. I borrowed a fog machine from the church. My thinking was exactly this, "How cool would it be to lightly fog the steps up to the patio! That would look creepy...." Well, here's how it really went. The fog machine would squirt out a shot of fog that looked more like a baby poot about once an hour. So once an hour, it basically looked like somebody had blown out a candle. Everytime I passed this device, I kept saying to myself "What the heck is wrong with this thing!! Chris said to push the button when the light was on... and the light's not coming on!!" So naturally, everytime I walked by it I had to mess with it. The last time I messed with it, I held the button contraption upright, and the fog machine went off like crazy. I was so excited I just held the button down for like 30 seconds to make sure it got foggy. IT DID. The next few people leaving my apartment couldn't see a thing, I'm lucky nobody fell down my stairs. There was nothing creepy about it, it was just basically annoying.

Well, I went to sit down... finally. I was thinking.... "Whew... I think this is the first time I've gotten to sit down tonight". I was barely into the conversation when one of the girls outside with a baby monitor said, "Matt, listen to this.... is that your fire alarm?" OH CRAP. First of all, there are like 7 babies sleeping inside my apartment. My first thought was that Beth was going to shoot me. The reason the fog was making it inside was because I had left the door cracked for some drop cords. She had already warned me telling me that she didn't want the apartment all foggy. I went inside, and it was BAD foggy.....

My smoke alarms weren't going off, but my CPI security alarm was, probably sensing the carbon in the fog. Well, we've had problems with our CPI this week, and a service man had just been over Thursday. Yay for us that it didn't work on this occasion AGAIN. No one came over the intercom to check our status. I was running around opening windows and doors when I noticed I had missed a call on my cellphone. I looked down to see a (704) number and realized that I had already missed a call from CPI. I immediately called the number back, trying twice before getting through. When I got somebody on the line I said with panic, my alarm has went off, and nobody came over the intercom, and nobody called my house phone... again. I told her to cancel anybody she had dispatched. Naturally, she has to put me on hold with some peaceful Mozart music to sooth my soul while she cancels every public safety figure in Thomasville.

It was at this time I hear sirens.... everywhere. They were coming from the left, from the right, and from behind my apartment. You can not imagine the feeling in my stomach. She comes back on the phone and says, "Sir, I've tried to cancel... but I keep getting a busy signal". THANK YOU VERY MUCH MS LIPPY!!! I'm so glad that my alarm can go off and you can have the FBI's SWAT team here in 7.3 seconds. I keep the phone to my ear for effect (I don't really know why). I lean out my open window and I'm now staring at two ladder trucks and many firemen in their turnout gear. Dudes are running around the truck getting gear ready to fight a blazer.

Take a quick glance back at my Joker get-up if you need to, because that's what everyone else was looking at. As I quickly glance around, I notice that there are no less than 30 people on both sides of the street practically setting up beach chairs to watch the action. What are they staring at now? They are watching the Joker hang out of a window that is pouring "smoke", telling them it's ok. I think my exact words were something like this: "It's cool we're good!! No fire!! .......My fog machine went crazy bro!! ....We're fine!!...... I'm really sorry!! It's CPI's fault!" I realized I was still holding a silent phone to my ear and took advantage, pointing to it. "They tried to cancel, but kept getting a busy signal!!!.... You guys got a phone off the hook?"

This poor old captains face was priceless. It was a somewhat confused look which combined feelings of "What the crap?", "Is that the Joker?", "Does anyone up there look like a hostage?", and "I can't believe I got out of bed for this". I felt super guilty, knowing what it takes to get a truck out of the bay... much less two or three. I think I'll ATTEND a Halloween party next year. The First Annual Halloween bash may have been the last. Maybe I should throw Thanksgiving bashes instead... but without fog machines.

Italy... is not the USA (updated)

2008-10-16T09:08:00.001-07:00

In case you didn't know, this is in fact the situation. I have previously been to Europe twice, in 5 other countries. They are all different, and I make a fool of myself often while I am there. While in Amsterdam enroute to Budapest, Hungary... the students and I thought it was most hilarious that the men there wear "capri" jeans. I'm sorry if you're reading this with your capri's on about to hit the clubs downtown. Go change... now.

Here is the list that quickly comes to mind of the noticable differences between the US and Italy, some which I have used to make a common fool out of myself. I'm sure there are more, the week has been full of them. My internet is limited to the work day, and I am pressed for time.

1) Light switches are on the OUTSIDE of the room. On at least 23 occasions, all which have been witnessed by others, I have walked into a room... wondered around in the dark a bit only to emerge and turn on the light, then retreat back inside like Chris Farley ("IDIOT!!... GEEZ")

2) At the Donati plant here, there is our equivalent of a lunch bell before and after lunch and at the end of the day. HOWEVER... do not be confused, it is not actually our equivalent of a lunch bell. It is our equivalent of a fire alarm. You would think their excitement about eating was so severe, that they would be the fat ones... not America. On the first two occasions I heard this, I immediately exited my seat and started to run for the door... hoping I would not burn alive before finding my way outside. Mario calmly said, "Matt, sit down... we do not eat until 12:30".

3) I am getting great at charades. For example: Picture me trying to get a corkscrew from the front desk, saying over and over "co-rk...scc-reww" whilst turning one fisted hand into the other. I think the poor woman thought I wanted to beat her up.

4) In Italy, you push a door to go into a room or building, and pull a door to go out. Do you care to even guess how many times I've yanked on a door two or three times to get into somewhere.

5) You have three types of coffee here. Caffe Americano, Caffe Lungo, and Espresso. Obviously, it took me three times to finally get what I wanted.

6) Allow me to include in this blog the two reasons I would not live in Italy. One, it's hard to hunt and own guns here... Two, the music STINKS. Every radio station is either playing an American song (Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" song is very popular here, which makes me want to jump out of the car head first) or something else that is popular here that reminds me of something my grandmother listens to... or, listened to in the 90's at least.

7) They have little vacuum holes in the hotel walls here. Apparently the cleaning ladies must use them to clean during the day. They look like outlets and are hard to get open. Myself, being a dumb curious American, spent 10 minutes trying to open this "outlet" the first night I was here. I thought, "I am American, surely they have an American outlet here for me to use... this must be it". After finally getting it open, a VERY loud and continuous "WHOOOSH" happened and my tie was sucked halfway into the wall, and I believe my head made contact as well. I freed myself, closed the black hole of death, laughed at myself, and cleaned the urine off the floor. Welcome to Italy.

8) Last night I visited a very authentic restaurant with very authentic Italian hardware. I visited the restroom and opened the stall to find that the rim of the toilet was at FLOOR LEVEL. I was very glad to be a man with a simple job to do at this point, and the whole concept of a floor potty really jogged my imagination... in a very disturbing way to say the least. As I arrived at the sink I see a spout coming out of the sink with no knobs, turning devices, sensors, or levers. "Hmmm... interesting, I have soap all over my hands now, and someone is in one of the stalls about to come out any minute". I think of a solution, because seriously... I CANNOT figure this one out. Ok, take a paper towel and just wipe the soap off my hands so I look normal. As I'm doing this, the other dude comes out of the stall... my perfect opportunity to learn something. He comes to the sink, simply finds the ol' gas pedal underneath and pushes it with his foot. Wow, that would have taken me a week.

9) Do not visit Italy and forget your deoderant, it's just not the country for this kind of mistake. I did this, and yes... it was an emergencia. It took me a while, but I found some on a shelf with plenty of dust on it.

10) I didn't mention this earlier, but Italian movies aren't that great either. It's not that I can't understand them, it's that they just kinda suck. They play a lot of American movies here and make it seem as though Jennifer Anniston can speak Italian. The first night I tried to watch some corny Italian movie I had nightmares about being chased by gold chains and hairy arms.

My Un-guessable Top 20

2008-09-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right... you won't know them. Well, there are a couple of exception where people have just figured it out. I think even my wife would only guess a couple of them. For most of you though, these are my top 20 favorite things you never knew I loved. Here goes....

Honerable Mention: Motorcycle Sidecars. I don't care what kind of mood I'm in, I am a huge fan of something that can make me erupt in laughter anytime I see it. Have you ever seen an old man driving a Goldwing with his wife in a sidecar? I automatically picture Beth and I doing this activity. Whats worse, she would want to drive so I'd be in that little car with the turtle helmet on.

Yes, I added this after the fact because I couldn't believe I forgot it. It was the only thing on my written list I forgot.

#20) Board Shorts. Seriously, what were we thinking all those years with the whole "net" deal? It had to have been an old woman that invented it and Richard Simmons who trademarked the neon colors used in those suits.

#19) Watching a Dog Howl. Dang this is cool to watch, because there's just something funny about a dog puckering it's lips.... not to mention, it just sounds cool.

#18) Post it Notes. Short, to the point, sticks anywhere... awesome.

#17) Remote Control. What would we do without this tiny piece of technological goodness? That's right, we would have to get up. You know as well as I do that we wouldn't even turn on the TV.

#16) New Socks. I know one person who sees eye to eye with me about this! Great feel, perfect fit, not all stretched out, no slack in the sock to foot area, one of the better things in life for sure. New socks are the only ones I make absolute sure that the inside of the sock... is on the inside.

#15) Hotdogs at a ballpark. Man seriously, these may not be good for your heart, but they are great for your happiness. All the way please...

#14) Tasers. Geez, how awesome are those... seriously. I begged to get one the whole time I was at the PD. When do they get 'em? When I leave. Excellent. Do you realize how many fights I could have avoided by holding voltage in my hand? I've already told my buddies to taze me when they get the chance. Plus, you tell me one American who doesn't like to watch somebody get tazed!

#13) Zippers. I don't know Mr. Zipper, but he was a genius. Have you ever accidently bought a pair of button fly jeans? You basically have to put "go pee" in a 15 minute slot of your day planner. Can't imagine how long it took those 1800's kid's to close their book bags....

#12) Cereal Milk. I sometimes wonder how successful I would be with the young people if I just invented "Frosted Flakes Cereal Milk". It seems as though I eat through the flakes to slurp up the milk goodness at the bottom. DELECTABLE.

#11) Harp Music. You shouldn't wonder why angels play harps. What else would they play? Accordions? (That'd just be hilarious by the way... I sure hope they do) Maybe the Irish angels play bagpipes... that'd be pretty cool too. Harp music is awesome, bottom line. You show me a person who plays the harp, and I'll show you a friend of Matt.

#10) Cheese. Yes, some may be laughing out there, but it's true. It would have never been revealed if it wouldn't have been for a slip up a few years back. I ate a bit too much cheese, and it hurt me. I love about any kind of cheese except American. Americans can't make cheese worth a crap.

#9) NFL Football. This could have easily also have been included in my Halloween/Autumn listing, but it really needs one of it's own. I love sports... college football, college basketball, baseball...you name it. But honestly, there's just nothing like NFL football. I can watch anybody play at anytime, and it will hold my full attention. Fantasy football is just an added bonus and a great opportunity to waste my time.

#8) Lanterns. You know, I don't own one...only because of the coolness factor, but I sure would like to. I just know that people would think I'm weird... out walking the dog with my lantern. But you know what? They wouldn't mess with me! Who messes with a dude in dark clothing with a dog and a lantern?

#7) Smell of gasoline, fresh cut grass, and cedar. No I do not have a problem. The smell of gasoline, cut grass, and spanish cedar together really send me into a euphoric state, I have to slap myself.

#6) Blue Jeans. If I could, I would wear them everyday for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I have to restrain myself.

#5) Good guacamole. I am telling you, if I had good "guac" to eat everyday I'd be the fattest friend you had. I'll dip anything in that stuff, even my own foot.

#4) Fighter Jets. If you are a guy, and you don't get testosterone chill bumps when they do a fly-by at a ballgame or race... go get checked out. You are clinically dead.

#3) Halloween and Autumn. My very favorite holiday, my very favorite season. They go hand in hand, and they are by far the most fun time of the year. Comfortable cool weather, campfires, cigars, scary costumes, hay rides, scary movies, cookies, pumpkins, scaring kids, killing deer, Obama losing elections, Black Velvet, dead people, old silos.... OH... sorry... so I added some of my own weird ones. ON to the next topic...

#2) Worn-in old ballcaps. They are one of the few things in this world that smell horrendous, but make me smile. (Except when one of my buddies passes gas somewhere they shouldn't... but that's a different kind of smile)

#1) A really good beverage. What a strange #1 right? My wife can tell you though, I get seriously excited over a good beverage. It can either be something I've had, and already know it's great... or something I've never had, and am finding that it's great. I can't tell you how much I over-react to a great cup of coffee, glass of port, or good espresso.... it's really ridiculous.

WHY WHY WHY....

2008-09-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

In this blog, I will attempt to answer some of life's very toughest questions. I'm feeling extra smart tonight, so it shouldn't be a problem. Please stick around and become smarter! Those of you that know me are laughing.... and I don't appreciate it.

#1) Why do old folks drive so dang slow?

Yes...it bothers me too. I'm always in a hurry when I get behind ol' Florence. When I'm 80, I will be FLYING. But..... I'm a good driver. Give me a ticket, who cares..... I'm old and poor, I won't pay it. This driving at ridiculously slow speeds is because this elder generation is just simply unsafe behind the wheel. They hit curbs, run red lights, cut you off, and don't pay attention to what they are doing. I always get behind the same old lady on the way to church. When she pulls into her church, she hits the same curb EVERY WEEK. Even though all the other elders in the car almost hit their head on the ceiling, it's like she doesn't even notice. Of course, for this reason she has apparently made no wider turn from week to week to attempt to avoid this curb.... which to her, could just as well be a dead body. Basically, old people drive slow to reduce the chance of injury or damage to whatever or whoever then end up hitting while driving like this. See, don't you feel smarter already?

#2) Why do things that happen in Vegas stay there?

Well, obviously this is just a marketing scheme for the Sin City. I went to Vegas for the first time a year or two ago, and it's not really for me. In my opinion, you shouldn't even be allowed to go there until you're 21. The place will suck every bit of goodness out of you if you let them. Here's how things will go down, say... for an 18 year old making his first trip to Vegas.

He will take lots of money, and lose it.... he will take his virginity, and lose it, and he will take his flawless criminal record, and of course lose it. These things that were lost is "what happened in Vegas" And as for the things he lost, well... you see where they'll stay.

#3) Why do we occasionally see a big girl on a motorcycle?

Listen, that's just mean so don't bring it up again. Of course they take the "cool" out of motorcycles, but their gas is $4.19 too...

#4) Why do some grown men still cuss like they're a 17 year old gang member?

I've often wondered this myself. I was at Natty Green's the other night with a couple friends watching the UNC game. A completely normal looking guy probably in his mid 30's started talking. I was ashamed that he was pulling for the same team I was. It dawned on me as he spoke this foulness, "he is just very weak minded". He couldn't even use the bad words correctly. Have you ever met somebody like that? What he said didn't even make sense. He would use the same bad word twice, back to back; one as the adjective, and one as the noun... you get what I'm saying? Basically, profanity is the sign of a very weak mind trying to express itself. This man picked his favorite color and pulled very hard for that team. He expressed himself often... probably as often as he relieved himself. I moved far away and pretended he wasn't there... end of story.

#5) Why do large organizations and companies have such dumb advertising slogans?

This just absolutely kills me. You will notice these every now and then, and it's always a HUGE company. There is no telling how much VISA paid their advertising team to come up for the slogan for the Olympic commercials. GO WORLD. What the crap... are you serious? I can see these guys in there now, probably a team of 20 getting paid 6 figure salaries. "How bout.... GO something...." good idea.... "Go!...... Well, the whole world will be there... why not GO WORLD?" Nice bro.... now let's go on break.

There is no telling how many ignorant or drunk people were sitting at their TV when that commercial first debuted. They saw GO WORLD and got very nervous. "Crap... what are they talking about... when is our next game? I knew it... there is somebody else out there.... how good are they at swimming? I need to turn on the news...."

My only answer for this is.... they think so hard they figure that nobody will question it if they just say something very short that makes no sense. Yes... a very tough question indeed.

PO-PO

2008-09-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

I got the idea to write this post after talking to my old beat partner tonight. She was my beat partner when I left the police department, and she was a darn good one as most of the officers there are. I only spent about 6 months with her, the other 3 and a half years was spent with another beat partner in a different "hood". For those of you that don't know, I began my tenure with HPPD beginning in 2003. I spent almost 4 years there before deciding that I had endured at least the last year disliking the work and most of what it involved. Sure there were a couple things I enjoyed. I enjoyed DWI enforcement. As a matter of fact, I've been subpoenaed to appear in appeals court for a girl I convicted last year that only blew a .07 (Remember, it doesn't matter. All you have to do is prove appreciable impairment). I found myself wanting to initiate my own traffic stops (usually from an interdiction standpoint), but not wanting to answer my calls because I didn't want to deal with more idiots than I had to. Dealing with the people that call the police, and the people that the police are called on... is a very very difficult task. I challenge you, next time you're in contact with a police officer (though I hope you're not) to remember a couple things:

1) That he/she deals with citizens that don't respect the law, a badge, the constitution, or innocent people around them ALL DAY LONG.

2) That at least half the people they deal with are drunk, high, half out of their mind, or all 3.

3) That the normal people they deal with are either a) Mad that an officer caught them doing something they shouldn't... or b) Mad that they've had to call an officer out for something that shouldn't have happened.

4) That most of these people they deal with are as the Bible describes the world, out for themselves and very very selfish.

5) I had CHILDREN cuss me like I had stolen their scooter for just stopping to speak to them. Before I couldn't have imagined, even as an adult, speaking to anyone of authority this way.

With all this being said, I will attempt to keep this shorter than my normal "novel" posts, but it probably won't happen. I left the PD because I just wasn't happy. This did not come without some pains though. The friends you develop in this line of work are different than anything I've been familiar with, because I wasn't in the military. These friends watched my back, fought beside me, and filled in when I needed them most. I still try to keep in touch with them as much as possible, but it's still tough. I do not regret leaving, because I know it was in the best interest for me and my family, but I truly miss the people I worked with and being there to help protect them as they protected me.

As some of you may have heard, HPPD was just involved in their second police involved shooting of the year. Obviously, this involved a couple of my friends who are now on administrative leave (which is standard). The first shooting was in March and involved a great officer that left for some of the same reasons I did, but came back the PD as I resigned. He filled one of the empty slots on the same patrol team I left. He arrived at a domestic disturbance one night and witnessed a female attacking her boyfriend with a box cutter. After neither subject complied, he was left no choice but to protect the man who was not armed. The shooting last night involved two officers that arrived to a home invasion in progress. I can only disclose what the media has released, but after a subject exited armed with a gun and made threatening movements at the officers, they... again, were left with no choice.

The reason I write this is because something inside me feels guilty for not being there. That could have been me, and I ask myself, "If it was me, would I have made the right decision?" Every part of me says that I would have, and for some reason I feel like I should still be in that role to help protect my fellow officers. The world is getting more violent, as is this particular city. I actually saw it with my own eyes as I left. I am not the only one with a family and child, many of these officers have a wife and more than one child. I fear badly that one of my friends that are an asset to society, will get injured or killed by one of these that are a menace to society.

It bothers me bad to watch the media display their unbelievable ways of making a story out of the information they have. Let me clear something up for you all. The ways of these uneducated criminals and the families that raised them are this: Information from word of mouth is fact. I can't tell you how many times I witnessed full out physical attacks occur because somebody's mother-in-law's baby sister's cousin Lori said that somebody's boyfriend was up at the show with some "tramp" or "My Aunt said my brother ate my hot dog". What the crap? As bad as this angered me, I had to try to explain logic to someone who wasn't capable of understanding logic. Fox 8, my most hated news channel for reasons I'd have to tell several police stories to explain, decided to put the mother of this victim on the news. Now keep in mind, they put her on TV for a story. They put her on knowing that she will say something that causes tension and cause the unknowing public to believe that there is a possibility of excessive force. She was interviewed saying that her baby was shot in the back. When someone is shot in the back, it implies that they were running, retreating, or surrendering. Why can't they just take the facts from the report and let the system of investigation and forensics work? It'd be like me putting in a report, "Mrs Stevens reports that she was attacked by Mr. Stevens. Mr. Stevens said he didn't do it, so we are continuing the investigation elsewhere.". Since when do we believe people and what they say?

I just ask that you put your assumptions aside when dealing with the media. They will attempt to put the police at fault, because that's what causes people to watch. They want citizens to watch and say, "Wow, more corrupt police... what is the world coming to." When you see a video on the news claiming "police brutality", how do we know that this guy didn't have a knife in his right hand he refused to drop? You never know when yours or your families' life might be in the hands of one of these officers. You have no choice but to trust them. Please raise your kids to understand that the police are friends, not foes. I can't tell you how many times I got the "Be good or that officer will put you in jail" comment in a store. That irritated me, because now this kid is scared of me when I wanted nothing more to but lean down and give him a Jr. Police Officer badge (which now is no good). Remember, officers RARELY get a kind gesture. I'd guess that 90% of those that come in contact with an officer is very much not pleased to see them.

Do I miss it? Sometimes. I miss the excitement, the adrenaline, the stories, and the people that worked along my side. I think God took me through that phase as an important part of my life... as medication needed to learn more about how to raise my child, protect my family, and choose my battles as they present themselves. Next time you see an officer grabbing a quick meal, don't think the same thing that many used to say to me ("Who's protecting the city?") How about buying their lunch for doing what they do, because it is not easy... it does not pay well...not just anyone can do it... and I promise you that they miss more lunches and take more abbreviated lunches than you'll ever know...

COLLEGE...

2008-08-26T06:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the gap in my blogging. I've been on a business trip and very busy all around that time. I'm still trying to catch up, but I felt compelled to write a blog for the college freshmen I know. This picture found it's way into my mind as I read Special K's blog.... http://kevinkassakatis.blogspot.com/2008/08/homesick.html
My reading of his most recent post surfaced the memories that sparked the writing of this one.

The first few months of college can seriously suck if you let them. To admit weakness for a moment... I have always been very reliant on my friends and those around me. I struggle with solitude and do not like the feeling of loneliness one bit. When I went to college, I had one friend. One person I knew, and I was three and a half hours away from home. The one person I knew was my roomate, who I ended up disliking VERY much. I decided to room with someone that I had known in KINDERGARTEN..... thirteen years beforehand. Bad idea folks. I hope none of you have done this. This guy was a nutcase... drinking constantly, taking my stuff, inviting strange girls into our room, and any stupid thing you can think of. I met the campus police at my door more than once thanks to that fool. I made it once semester with him, and that was WAY too long. Choose carefully who you will live with in the same room. It doesn't matter who it is, it will take every one of the fruits of the spirit plus an extra apple or two from the tree of life to tame the aggravation of adjusting to a roomate. If you don't believe me, ask my wife... she is probably still getting used to me, and now another male has been added to the house!

Needless to say, my first few weeks of college did in fact, suck. I'm not the type to just go up to somebody and start talking to them though. I hate to admit it, but I'm that guy in line at BBQ Shack hoping I can get out of there without my grade school buddy's step-dad sparking a conversation about something meaningless... "Boy, that Michael Phelps! How bout that?!". GO AWAY. I mean...please don't think I'm a rude person.... I just don't think it's neccesary to give my life testimony at lunch when every working man in the country is in a hurry. I meet friends by being a non-creepy person. If you never acknowledge me, I'll probably never speak to you. I went my first few weeks of college only meeting a few people. I met these people because I lived on the same hall and we would have small meetings in which we introduced ourselves. I often found myself eating lunch or dinner in the dining hall by myself. I also remember constantly feeling sorry for myself, which I know now to be the enemy's sly way of sneaking into a young mind. I have since learned that being alone is sometimes paramount to concentrating on my faith.

My first mistake was not looking for Christian fellowship. I could have immediately become involved in Campus Crusade or one of the programs that offered a Bible study. Instead, I found immediate friends to replace my loneliness. I was homesick pretty bad, and missed my friends back home. I remember buying an old Fender accoustic guitar for $100 from an acquaintance at school. I had no idea how to play, but plenty of time to sit around the room and teach myself. Thats how I learned to play. I also spent a lot of time on AIM trying to find a familiar friend to talk to. I would leave it up and check it often to see if a close friend was on. I wondered if everybody else was feeling the same way I was. Beth and I were very close as many of you know, and this was the furthest I had ever been from her. She was not dealing with these same issues though, because it was her second year of college. I felt alone and like there was no one in the world dealing with the same issue... obviously a lie.

Remember this... The enemy is ready and waiting for an opportunity to show his face in your new adjustment to adulthood. If you slack off in allowing God to be your focal point and most important relationship, you are opening a large can of worms. As a matter of fact, you're opening like a 5 gallon bucket of worms. If you don't constantly fight off these depressing emotional epiphanies with the Word, the enemy will lob suttle thoughts into your mind that you will soon believe as fact. I tell you this, because I delt with it first hand. It is God's will for you to have Christian fellowship, but you must choose your friends wisely. If you put no boundaries on these decisions because you feel the need for companionship, you are walking blindly down a dark tunnel of evil obstacles. As I said earlier, I have always been too reliant on my friendships for stability, and it resulted in being even more lost.

When I was about 11, my best friend and his family moved to Hickory. Soon thereafter, I met Rusty who still today is like a brother to me. He moved from East Davidson to Weslyen our Senior year, then accepted a scholarship at a college in Houghton, NY. Another very close friend went off to school at Mars Hill, then moved to Atlanta GA, and now lives in Washington D.C. While I was at WCU, I learned that my sister was dating somebody way older than she (he will wittingly scold me for that statement) Of course I didn't know what to think about this until I met the guy, whom most of you are now familiar with. Chris is now like a brother to me and a very important part of my life. As most of you know, he and Lindy responsibly accepted their calling into the mission field and moved to Kenya in June. I am now hearing that more close friends of mine are considering moving... one to Tennessee, the other to England. The point I am trying to make is, God has put me back in my place several times as far as "comfortable" friendships go. These friends have never left me, but many have just accepted God's calling to live in another location. Your life will also never be the same since you've recently left home. Your friends will change, you will develop new relationships, and you will lose touch with those you call great friends now. However, your closest Christian brothers and sisters in life are bonds that will never be severed because they are anchored by the same purpose.

John 4:13-14 says, "Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." If you attempt to put your trust and value in worldly relationships, you will continue to be unsatisfied. If you value your relationship with Christ as your most important one in life, your other relationships will fall into place in their proper order.... behind Him.

Control your emotions by controlling your thoughts. Know the Truth as it opposes the lies of the enemy..... because you will hear and experience both. The great news is written down for you, use it.

Collosians 3:16- "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God."

Romania 2008

2008-08-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

This is the post that I'm sure several hoped for, but wasn't sure whether to expect or not. As you may have noticed, I don't normally type up a very "serious" post. I do, in fact, try to live on the lighter side of life, but I also try to incorporate my humor and jocosity only where appropriate. These circumstances are those where the chances are minimal for the attitude could be di

stracting from our true purpose in life. This is another long post, but I hope you stick with me and enjoy it as I attempt to illustrate how God's Kingdom grew in this awesome opportunity. When an time allows, please see one of the Senior student's devotions regarding the trip HERE.

With this in mind, I have to mention why I enjoy being a youth leader at Rich Fork Baptist Church. I have done so since 2003 where I began by occassionally teaching the 8th grade, which by chance was the same group of students I taught for the last three years and have just recently graduated. I often say that these students teach me more than I do them. This holds true because with every interaction with them, I learn more about today's youth, and my abilities to reach them. It's sad to say that I have now been out of high school for 9 years, and the schools are not quite the same. The struggles, however, are very similar. I learn more about God's nature and man's constant failures when I arrange lessons on them. It's very educational when students ask me for opinions and give me their own. This is no ordinary group of Seniors, but a very mature and very gifted group. They are servants at heart with joyful dispositions, but are still somewhat impressionable as 18 year olds often are. You need understand the background of this class to help you digest the details of this trip.

Nine students signed up to be part of this Romania team. I was excited to see so many commit to the trip and work hard to earn the money that was required. Another 9 adults attended which includes 2 Youth Leaders (myself and Scot Edwards) and the Youth Minister, Matt. I knew our students had no idea what they were about to experience. I will never forget my first mission trip to Honduras, because there were so many "firsts" involved. It was an experience in which I felt the spirit move so powerfully that it gave me a whole new understanding of showing the face of Jesus to the lost. That is what we intended to take to Romania. Our purpose was to host a camp for children from tiny villages near Oradea. We picked up 40 children, ages 8 to 19, at the church Monday morning around 10am and drove another hour or two to the camp. On this ride, we met children from every background imaginable, and most of them were very poor. We were amazed at how small the baggage was on each child's shoulder for a full week of camp, but we were still ignorant to what baggage they were dragging emotionally.

We arrived and immediately began forming bonds and friendships with these children, most of whom spoke little or no English. I quickly learned how to play a barefoot "Futbol" game on the dirt tennis court. I basically learned the rules from several "charades" conversations with my young impatient Romanian teamate after every play I messed up. It was kind of funny, I just couldn't understand what he was trying so hard to tell me. Matt Bryant got it easy. Once I learned the game, I explained it to him in English. Once these kids saw that I could play alright, I gained their respect as someone they could relate with because I used to play "Futbol" in high school. It was the same way with every one of these Seniors with one added advantage.... youth. These youth are 18, and much closer to these campers ages than I am. It's amazing to see how God plans these things out so well. Each one of these Rich Fork youth connected with several of the children in a way that another could not. For example, we have one youth that is outgoing, funny, has tons of energy, and apparently a passion for children. He constantly had at least 3 boys that were about 8 to 12 years old hanging from his shoulders. This is only one example though. Every youth was perfectly matched with the personalities of some of these children. They attached, they laughed, they played, they prayed, the Holy Spirit moved, and lives were changed on both sides of the spectrum. God's plan was, as it always is.... perfect.

Each student gave their personal testimony at some point during the camp. Although each testimony was precious and unique, most began with being raised in a Christian home. Mine begins this way as well. Three Romanian teens from 18 to 19 years of age gave their testimonies during the week too. Each of them received Christ at one of the camps from the years before and were comfortable telling their story. One of them in particular was a very polite boy that I loved being around. He admitted to all that he ended up in an orphanage after birth and was practically ignored until the age of 6. At the age of six, he was still unable to feed or dress himself. He failed to thrive the first 6 years of his life because no one spent the time to nourish and educate him in any way. I remember my eyes welling with tears as the translator spoke, "Think of what a child should be capable of doing when he is 6 years old. I could not feed myself, I could barely communicate, and I was still as helpless as an infant". From there he spoke of how God wrapped him in His arms and found someone that taught him these basic fundamentals. I think the boy is 18 now and is full of strong Christian values because of God's grace in his life. I had no idea that several of the children at this camp would relate to that story, but they did. These children left the worship area in tears and were immediately comforted by a leader, adult, translator, or friend. That Thursday night, 3 children made the decision to ask Jesus to be their savior. I knew it would have been more had their pride not stood in the way. It was evident that the enemy was working too, but it was obvious who would reign in their hearts. I went to bed thanking God for allowing me to witness it, and praying hard for broken spirits in the next 24 hours.

Friday night, all the youth, children, and teens were the closest and most comfortable with each other that they were going to be before leaving. Bodies were tired, minds were in furious debate, and the Spirit was as course and heavy as a mountain fog on that camp. An invitation was given (which you must understand, is a very foreign concept to them), and a long prayer was translated. I lifted my head after several minutes to see 19 children, all in tears, standing at the front. God had softened their hearts and lifted all shame and distractions. His Spir

it overpowered the misconceptions and lies of the enemy, and saved young souls that night. I was unable to find a neck that was not being hugged by a student or another adult. My eyes searched the room as I saw my Senior class, each with their new brothers and sisters, sharing tears of joy with these children. They finally understood the words they had heard Steven and Emily sing in worship all week, "I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see." My mind, lips, and soul were speechless. I could do nothing, I could think nothing. I could only savor the overwhelming joy that surged through my mind and heart. My eyes hold back tears as I re-live this experience now, but at that particular moment there were too many emotions to even outwardly express. I do not remember feeling like that in all of my life. I found the nearest shoulder and grabbed it, and coincidentally it was a 16 boy that is very similar to me 12 years ago. I watched the Spirit continue to move as my students and these Romanian

kids sat down to pray with the pastor.

I have never heard of a universal language, and have never considered the fact that the Holy Spirit is exactly that, and much more. Words were not needed for these Senior students.... not for this occasion. They sat and "emptied their cups" that night. They sat with these children for 30 minutes, listening to a language that they could not understand. But it did not matter. Hearing 19 young Romanian children praying out loud in their native tongue asking Jesus to enter their lives... was one of the most beautiful sounds I have heard. It was not until a day later that I even considered the fact that I could not consciously understand the words being spoken. My son is only 6 months old, and I can only pray that I will one day be as proud of him as I was of these 9 youth that poured their hearts and souls into these children in the past week. The adults were important, but it was so obvious that God had these Seniors there for a huge reason. My pride for their accomplishments in athletics, education, and music are pale in comparison with the pride I felt for the lives they allowed God to change through them on this trip. Their lives, along with mine, have certainly been changed, and I will continue to pray for them as they head to college. I will pray specifically that they never lose sight of what they physically can not see, that they never conform to this deceptive world, and that they never forget God's love for an obedient heart.

Thank you, Rich Fork c/o 2008... from all four of us. You are more friends than students, and now more adults than teens. We love you and we will always been an ear to listen to you, a shoulder to cry on, and a home to visit.

Wal-market

2008-07-23T22:18:00.000-07:00

I guess I will post a blog since it's only 1:15am. I fly out to Romania today at lunch with 9 of our youth (the Seniors that I teach to be more accurate), and several other youth leaders and adults. I am looking forward to this except for two very large obstacles.... leaving Beth and Levi, and having to come back and clean up the chaos that I can barely maintain when I am here. I am, however, excited to see what God will do through this opportunity with these young people. It will be an amazing sight to behold, and I can't help but be the most excited about how this will effect the hearts of our youth as it did me when I was 21 in Honduras. Please pray for us as we travel and as we try to connect with young people inside a culture we have never experienced.

With all that being said, I promised a couple of the guys that are going on the trip that I would hang out with them late tonight. I love spending time with these guys and I know that we need to stay up so that we can sleep through a 14 hour flight tomorrow. Most of these youth have not been on an oversees flight and may not understand the severity of jet-lag. They now understand Matt-lag though, because I'm now to the age where I get super tired at 11pm. I can't tell you how many times I've had someone over trying to be a cool "late-night rebel" like I did when I was their age... Usually in 30 minutes I fall asleep with my head all hung over slobbering on my shirt. That is sign language for any guest that states, "Maybe you should come back some other time.... and earlier one". They leave, and I wake up 4 hours later to a wet arm, throbbing neck, and an info-mercial trying to sell me a foot exfoliator.

So, I go to Josh's apartment and hang out for a while. We just watched some Chinese game shows on You Tube mostly. It's a huge waste of time, but very hilarious. Those people are brutal. I think some of them would dig off their own leg with a metal spork for 5,000 yen. So since we're on the subject of China at the time, Kevin mentions that he wants to make a "midnight Walmart run". I absolutely hate Walmart, and I am passionate about that... I thrive on every opportunity to talk someone out of buying China crap. It's the best-case scenario for me though. I mean, it's after midnight... so we won't have to deal with lines, loud PA announcements you can't begin to understand , rednecks on Nextels at 1100 decibels, and drunk shirtless people beating their kids. Anyhow, back to my point. I always find myself walking around Walmart and looking at stuff wondering, "How long would that last me?" I think America must think that way when they shop at Walmart for anything that can't be consumed. "This TV may only last 6 months, but it's $47!!" See for me, that's too much work... and $500 over 5 years to continue watching a 19" TV. Beth will tell you, when I buy something... I research it, and buy the best I can for what I am willing to spend. Guess what, my junk last longer than theirs. In my experience, I either go to Walmart to find something.... and can't find it, or I talk myself into buying a $20 stereo for work which breaks in 2 weeks.... but kinda sucked in the first place.

I am convinced that Walmart has it's own city in China. The people there (in WaaaMaat city) sit around drinking Chinese beer (which is probably nasty too), sniffing poppy's, and pulling random parts off a sagging China made shelf to make their next "name brand" mp3 player or computer. They don't get paid much, but hey... it's a cake job. They get to do whatever they want, and it doesn't matter if what they are making is complete junk. Actually, they probably prefer that it is junk so as to hold the reputation and not make the other trillion things they export look like crap. I guess my experience tonight (I haven't been to Walmart in months) was not out of the ordinary for me, but it did make me think. Sure, it provides thousands of jobs across the country.... but I still think that overall Walmart is a huge stab to the American economy as a whole. I challenge you, that next time you are in Walmart (hopefully because someone knocked you out and put you there), just try and find something non-consumable that is made in America. If you look very very hard, you may. I remember I found a plastic hat-washing thing that was made in the USA once.... Anyhow, I left the store buying $16 of toiletries needed for the trip. I glanced back at a vast warehouse of junk and was thankful that I had gas in my tank to carry me away. Sure am glad I don't drive a Chinese truck....

Abnormal Shut Eye

2008-07-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

If I lived in a world where I couldn't laugh at myself and other people, I wouldn't make it two days....seriously. I am constantly seeking out funny junk on the YouTube and picking with my friends about stupid stuff. The ones I'm closest to know that all too well about me. Normally, the more I pick with someone, the closer I am to them. I laugh at myself more than anyone though. I'm the biggest victim of what little wit I have.

I am the weirdest dreamer I know. Even Beth's weird dreams seem normal to me. Often, my brain takes everything weird, random, and funny it can muster up, and puts it into some funky dream. While I worked at the PD, they were just flat out freaky. I'd never reveal those to anyone but Beth. I think that what I heard, saw, and dealt with regularly found its way into dreams I could make horror movies out of. Now that I'm working a new, normal job, I'm usually tired and can't remember my dreams. If I'm relaxed and on vacation, I remember every one I have.

For example, I had a dream a couple weeks ago while I was at the Outer Banks that I woke up laughing hysterically at. I was sitting in the balcony in Finch Auditorium with my buddy Neil and Chris' sister, Laurie. (two randomly selected friends that my brain chose to insert into this dream). Michael Jackson appeared in that Thriller suit of his, wearing a glow-in-the-dark Hannah Montana belt and came whizzing toward us on some kind of cable. Then a marching band appeared in some kind of gorilla suits and started playing "Beat It". Then we ran. It was about then that I woke up and literally said, "What the crap?".

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Not much more to say here. I will continue to update and change my photos, comics, and videos at the bottom of my blog. Feel free to check them out whether I'm posting or not! (About these... Chuck Norris jokes are going out I think, but this is still hilarious to me.... and I freakin' hate Carrot Top.)

Irks.... Part 1

2008-07-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

I went ahead and put a "part 1" on this.... because I see many more ahead. The first of my irks... is smoking in restaurants. Now don't get me wrong, as most of you know, I enjoy a great cigar. I think there should be designated places for smoking them, because I understand that not everybody wants to smell them or inhale the smoke period. Well please tell me, when I take my 6 month old child into a restaurant.... what the in the name of crud makes ANYBODY think that he should be inhaling their stinkin' fumes? It absolutely blows my mind that any restaurant at all is seen as an appropriate place to smoke. A bar, smoking lounge.... those are places to smoke. While I'm trying to eat my Philly cheesesteak, for the record, I do not want to smell your filthy Newport that has already entered your black lungs and is now entering mine.

With that said, many states such as Illinois and New York have completely outlawed smoking inside buildings period AND within 15 feet of any entrance of any public building. Geez man, do governments ever find a happy medium? There are even places within the US, that are outlawing smoking outside while on city streets or sidewalks. So now, I can't find a place to smoke my cigar period. Even if there were someone kind enough to offer to take their cigarette outside, they wouldn't be able to. Just weeks ago, I lit up a cigar on the streets of Chicago that I bought at a local cigar shop (who knows how he is still in business), and I practically had to walk in the street and smoke it to be within the doorway restrictions.

Another thing, smoking is smoking. I don't care if you're smoking tobacco, pot, or corn husks, you're producing smoke that some may find as offensive. I like to go into places (not a predominant restaurant as previously stated) where smoking is welcome to attempt to smoke a cigar. I did this while at Cape Hatteras during the week of the Fourth. I wanted to watch the Boston/Tampa Bay game on a big screen so I walk into a small local bar with a buddy to do so. We laid cigars in front of us and ordered some fried pickles. There's no other customers in this place at all. Thirty minutes later, after several exchanges with the waitress, I ask for an ashtray. OK, we're all in agreement that anybody with a heartbeat and a pea of common sense would assume that we are preparing to smoke cigars. We light up and are enjoying them immensely when the dude in charge comes over and says, "Listen, we usually don't allow people to smoke cigars in here... but I don't mind since nobody else is in here. I'm just telling ya because the manager isn't here and you need to know that when you come in next time". Well, aren't you kind.... BRO. Thank you for letting me smoke in your smoking bar where everybody else has been smoking. Next time someone asks me to use mom and dad's pool, I'm gonna tell them that they can come swim, but don't let me catch them doing the backstroke. Exactly, they would look at me as a moron.

Here's an idea for the government on Matt Island. We will not smoke in restaurants so people can eat without stink and my infant son can breathe regular air. We will smoke in smoking lounges and designated smoking areas. And yes, it will be ok to smoke outside if you want... because the smoke floats out into the infinite air. If you complain about that, you get kicked off Matt Island immediately. (Also, you can't smoke cigarettes.... they stink)

Welcome?

2008-07-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

Ok.... So I'm laying in bed last night trying to get to sleep. I ignorantly had hung my dry cleaned pants and shirts on a shelf bracket on my wall. Luckily, they come back to you in that plastic....and conveniently, I can't sleep without my ceiling fan on. So I wake up in the middle of the night, hear something rustling, and immediately think a burglar is going through my kitchen trash. I had one of those "2 second freak outs". Then I though to myself, that's crazy.... why would the burglar be going through the kitchen trash? He'd at least start in the guest bedroom trash, that's where all the good stuff would be.

That's when I decided that I should put stupid stories like that on a blog. I constantly think of questions and ideas..... constantly. Some of these things are stupid, some are smart, some are impossible, and some just make you want to find the answer. That's why I need a blog. Now the MAKING of the blog.... wow, what an experience. I sat at this stupid computer for 30 minutes typing in the most random crap for a URL that was already taken. I'd put in something like, "ihatehardcrosswordpuzzles".... taken..... "yourmomdoesyoga".... taken...."areyouserious?".....taken......"aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhh!!"....TAKEN. I about blew a fuse.

How many people are on this thing? Way more than every combination of the alphabet up to 20 characters.... I know at least that many. Reminds me of that SNL skit.... but only vaguely so I won't type about it. Anyhow, I will post on here whenever I think of something to say. It may be interesting, funny, or just plain boring. My wife's and sister's blogs are much more serious and worth reading than mine, I can be honest about that. But please, come here when you don't have anything else to do. Who knows, you may be entertained.